On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
