She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
