Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
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he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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