The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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