dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
