I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
