We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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