I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
