Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
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