so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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