Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
