the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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