i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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