I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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