I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
you inspire me to be a worse person
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
