i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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