Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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