my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
