i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
