I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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