There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
