i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
