I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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