U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
