Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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