Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
