i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
