I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
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Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
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If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Enjoy the penises
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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