If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
