dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
