I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
