I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
