I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
