he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
