I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
