Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I deserve this hangover.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
