we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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