Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
