just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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