A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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