I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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