take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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