this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
babies were throwing up all over the place
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
