help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
