he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
