Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
