I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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