he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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