soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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