okay pat passed out under dana's car
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
