Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
