why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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