hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
did you just send me my own nude
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
