Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
