I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
