Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
