I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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