i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
