they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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