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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
