i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
