We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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