May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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