i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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