THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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