my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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