haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
