My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
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My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
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Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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