Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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