You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
