I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
