so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
