so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
