Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
