I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
