i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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