I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
smell my finger.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
