go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
