my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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