im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
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