So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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