I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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