I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
