HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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