Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
