I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
