I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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